I called up my favorite counterpart to spill my guts about my crazy 2009 so far today and had a great conversation. Things were cut short by my date to see Bride Wars (SO GOOD!) however we always can get in something profound in any amount of time...
I've had a great and eventful year thus far. I rang in the year low-key (which I was thrilled about because I think New Years is way overrated), then immediately embarked on a vacation to Disney World, marking my first trio to the famed resort and theme park at age 22. It was still amazingly magical at 22 though! I finally got back, came back down from my travelling warm-weather high and took some major revelations away from these past 12 days.
I realized that I'm learning to be honest with myself. In past years, I've tried out some new resolutions - but they're always over-arching ideas like "be more selfish" or "have more fun"...this year I'm coming around again with another general resolution: Be more honest with myself. I'm happy with these past resolutions because the less specific resolutions are, I think the easier they are to make happen! And so being honest with myself is an easy thing to remember, so hopefully I'll stick to it.
For a long time I was back and forth about a relationship that was a huge part of my life. For two years I went back and forth...I have this rule (this may seem irrelevant but I swear it will make sense) when I go shopping. If I don't love it, I don't buy it. If I'm ever on the fence, I just leave it behind. I should have done this a while ago with this relationship. I was often on the fence about it and I didn't love it, so I shouldn't have bought into it. But I learned to be more straightforward, I learned to do what is right for me, and I'm learning to try to be more honest with my feelings instead of wasting time complicating everything with "what to do" issues.
I recently (and by recently, I mean like a few days ago) realized that I've been wanting to move out to California ever since my freshman year of college. I was entranced by the beauty and the weather and the atmosphere (not talking about the smog, lol) there. Here is NJ I use a special lamp for light therapy to avoid Seasonal Affective Disorder. Being in a warmer, sunnier, happier climate is better for me. It's what I want. It's what I've wanted since I had a taste of it. Every time I come back east I want to fly back west (passed out on Xanax though so I don't get that horrible anxiety that comes with turbulance). I love it - so why not buy it?
This is what I want and this is what I'm ready for. I'm tired of looking at things I used to be intimidated by coveting them. I'm going to do it and I'll figure out the rest when I get there. This isn't just talking about a dream, this is life, and ready to be honest with how I feel about actually doing it.
My "thing" in life (everyone has a "thing") is that I have zero regrets. I regret absolutely nothing because everything in life has shaped me into where I am today. And I never want to regret anything in the future because I wasn't honest with myself. Being more honest with myself will only help me see things clearer, sooner.
I'm ready for graduating, I'm ready for the life that I'm gonna tell my kids about and be proud of - I'm ready for life in general. I've had the most colorful past thus far, why settle now?
I love it, and I'm buying it!
xoxo with a big ol' kiss,
Me
