Carrie & Me

I just finished watching the Sex & the City movie, which I had purchased pre-viewed from Blockbuster because I knew I would watch it a thousand times. That was over a month ago, and do you know how many times I watched it since I've bought it? Once. Tonight.

I'm actually not much of a movie gal. I typically only watch a movie under two circumstances: 1) I am forced to watch whatever the movie may be due to school/someone else it watching a movie when I walk into a room and 2) It's something I truly want to see. In the case of the latter, I usually just go to the movie alone. However I create a third category for myself tonight: watching a movie for emotional escape and as therapy for a breakup.

I broke up with my boyfriend last night. I had no intention of doing so - but when I went to go see him, and I looked him in the face, I didn't see my future. I saw my frustrations, the same problems I've had for two years. In the face of that I was confronted with my second worst fear of being alone, but also my first - being with the wrong person.

In long relationships, whether it be your girlfriend or your boyfriend or your friend or whatever the relationship may be, you have to be happy with that other person. And it needs to be 95% of the time. If it's not, and it's only half, or less, then you are doing yourself a disservice by sticking around. Leaving is the hard part...it's so much easier to hang around for the moments where it actually IS good, but waiting for those is enduring the ugly.

Walking away sucks. But doesn't the right thing usually suck??

I am so sad right now. I used half a box of tissues while crying with Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte through their two and a half hour adventure. I miss and loved those good things, but I'll never trade myself for the times where I waited for it to be better again.

Crying is okay, I think sometimes we have to just get it out and mourn for the loss, but just remember that it was the right thing.

Love always and with abundant joy,
me xoxo