Since I've been in California, I've come across a plethora of differences between the East Coast and the West Coast. Here's a tasty sampling:
-When you go to a bar in the Northeast, you will always hear Jay-Z. In LA, "California Love" by Tupac or anything by Dr. Dre will vibe through the crowd and get an entire room of people repping the Westside and dancing.
-Whereas there are countless Italian restaurants (authentic and delicious) in the tri-state area, Southern California is littered with the best Mexican you will ever taste.
-Punk kids vs. Bros
-SUVs for practicality vs. convertibles for everyday sunshine (or Prii for green-ness)
-Toll roads (get out your your EZ-Pass please!) vs. freeways
-Humidity vs. dry heat
-Knowing everyone vs. meeting new people every day
-The idea of living to work vs. working so you can live
Trust me, there are plenty more (feel free to leave some comments and add to the list)! But when the day is done, the difference is very clear: here on the West coast, we live a laid-back, casual life. East coasters find pleasure in extreme intensity in every facet of their lives, it seems. Intense work habits, intense talking mannerisms, intense rage...Or at least that's been my experience.
I've found dating in LA to be so much more of a game; a topic that somehow keeps re-emerging in conversation with friends this past week. I've been observing recently that courtship here in LA is strategic in the sense that there are certain roles everyone plays into, and you follow these superficial yet fairly-effective rules: pick your scene for the night, get ready, get on the list (if you need to), valet & get your scope on. It's formulaic but it's fun. People are much more approachable here; fellas want to put their best foot forward and conversations generally coast from "where are you from" to what it's like there to "what do you do" to "what do you WANT to do" to telling each other entertaining stories regarding some experience you both had in life ("OMG SO weird!")...it's pretty basic. Guys will always ask for your number, email, twitter account OR maybe even facebook you on the spot from their iPhone. You will most often hear back from them if they actually are single (married men who take off their rings when they go out or are "separated"- what a drag). You might snag a date if you're interested. You text here and there leading up to the date, go out, probably get drunk, go dancing, maybe have casual sex (no judgement!). This seems to be pretty basic, I think.
The aura of this dating roundabout is just so casual though. It was so fun when I first got here and five guys a night would talk to me and ask for my number or just be fun and interesting - I always felt like I had to battle guys back East, but more on that later. This casual meeting makes for casual dates and casual dating - it's all so laid back. No instant labels. No incessent texting. No real pressure, actually. It's fair to assume that the other person might be dating a few other people. It's just kind of...well, again, casual! But then I started to wonder if anyone in this city was ever serious...
I've casually dated around since I've gotten here a bit, and it most certainly has been a grand time. I've gone on the best dates of my life here! Dates here are all about doing things and going places and have a greater sense of adventure than perhaps that of the East Coast. I mean, it's not their fault; we have nice weather all year-round which is conducive to a lot of "doing."
So the other end of the spectrum would be where you would find East Coast dating styles. The whole experience is just much more intense. First, just simply meeting a dude is a whole different experience. New game, new rules. I find that the guys base their initial pick-up on cynicism or making fun of the girl in some way. I can't tell you how many times I've had a conversation started with me by a dude who is making fun of a piece of jewelry I'm wearing or the drink I'm drinking. If I've got a Hoegaarden, then New Castle is "soooo much better." Maybe I'm wearing a chunky bracelet, I'll get a "wow, did you steal that from a hobo?"
Aside from the fact that it's flat out rude, or that dumb guys sometimes have to act like they're not interested because they think that's how you'll know they aren't interested (for a great commentary on this, check out http://cateblack.blogspot.com/2010/02/happy-valentines-day.html), it's just a more intense experience. It's like guys want to grill you up front; if they mock you it's because they're trying to get to know you I suppose. If they're interested then you'll perhaps go on a date, but instead of the do-something-fabulous date, I feel as if it's more geared to getting to know one another more quickly - dinner dates versus "doing dates." Lots of one-on-one time. It's just more direct. You get the point.
But then, it seems, things become even more intense while dating. I feel like people are on a fast-track to get to the point - either it's gonna work out for a long run or it won't. Fights are earlier on. I think there's a greater possessiveness that exists amongst couples. People don't date around - multiple people at once - the same way it's a norm here. There's always a general level of expectation from both girls AND guys. And if it's not gonna work out, then onto the next. Giddy-up!
Being someone who comes from this East coast style, the west coast dating realm has certainly surprised me. So I suppose the question is now: Which style of dating is better? The extreme intensity of the East coast world or the casual, laid-back LA dating scene?
Both have horrible flaws. One the one hand, I frequently meet guys who are SUPER hot, charming and 35 or older. They're total and self-proclaimed bachelors! It's like the George Clooneys of the world are all flocking to Los Angeles. And they'll stay that way for as long as they want because they're the fun, wealthy good looking guys that will only get hotter with age, you know? This isn't a bad thing if you're looking for a good time, but if you are hoping to one day have something deeper than that, well, don't count on this population of men to be calling you just so he can come over and snuggle on the couch when it's raining. And it's not just the Cloonians, it's representative of the majority of the people dating in LA, both women and men. Looking for a good time with someone they enjoy - light, casual. It's essentially reflecting the attitude or aura of the city on a whole. You might find love and I'm sure many do - but it never seems to be the initial goal.
As far as the East coasters go, well, the downside is that intensity can be forceful, and forced can fail. I know for a fact (at least for myself) that love arrives when you least expect it. So rushing through the process or starting it off with that negative attitude that I so often find in East coast dudes is not the right approach. Over-commitment too soon is like sentencing yourself to relationship hell. I know people who are in true love will probably disagree, but even if you are, isn't it fun to keep things at a slower pace to keep it in check? What's the rush? Savor the courtship (assuming there is some). Daydream about the other person. I don't know why but I guess I just feel like the East coast style is so aggressive, so fast, so pushy. It makes me uncomfortable.
So there you have it. My preference is the LA scene because it's more fun. I like to think that dating should be fun and exciting. I want to date around and learn what I like and don't like. I love doing new things with new people and well, this is the place to be for that. It is frustrating sometimes because this town is a town of do-ers and move-ers: everyone is actively trying to get to somewhere and so if you don't fit into that, well, you might be eliminated. But on the other hand, it's a wonderful thing to date people who are aspiring for great things that they are passionate about.
I think I'll take my chances, double down, and believe that I'll find someone fun to be passionate about and with...
